Ok I have a confession to make… I will never make mum of the year. This will come to no shock to my close family and friends but it may be something of a surprise to my facebook friends and colleagues.
I have something of a reputation at work and through facebook of being “the arty one” or “the creative one” because of what I get up to with my kids. This reputation comes from the endless and no doubt irritating pictures I like to post. Pictures of costumes I just cobbled together with a pair of tights and a bit of sticky backed plastic or the pancakes I just whipped up for breakfast.
Just yesterday at work my boss told me she had been discussing me helping out with a local charity and had told the charity organiser, “Heather will be great, she’s one of those mum’s who make other mums sick she does so much with the kids.” It was meant as a compliment, I think.
Ha, if only she knew. Yes I like to get stuck in about homework projects or arts and craft and baking when the mood takes me but I also spend far too much time with my head stuck in my computer while the kids are glued to their respective tablets or TV’s.
And when we do start these projects it is far from plain sailing. Mr B has a favourite saying, “with you Heather, it’s all about the journey.” What could he possibly mean? Could he mean the flour strewn kitchen, the regular smell of burnt food or my latest disaster the smashed casserole dish (full of lovingly made curry) . Could he mean my paint splattered hair, face and clothes when I take on a decorating project, or the cat paw prints left everywhere when I carelessly leave paint tins lying around? Or could it possibly be the arts and craft projects which look so easy on Youtube but result in, a sticky, paper and paint mess, a screaming mum and terrified children cowering in their rooms in reality?
The answer? All of the above. Will you ever see this on Facebook or my blog? Probably not. You will not see the first batch of burnt to a crisp Aberdeen Butteries or the Banana loaf that wasn’t baked enough and remained half in and half out the tin on tipping out. You won’t see the three failed attempts at a Cinderella birthday cake, the paper mache balls that never set or the face paint attempt at a tiger which ended up looking like a badly bruised orange instead.
I will however show you our attempt at wicker work style Christmas decorations, this was one of those occasions that resulted in a fraught mother snapping at her children to just get out and wash their pva covered hands before I burst into frustrated tears.
Here’s what they should have looked like, and what they did look like.
Last night I made homemade pizza, something I have been meaning to do for ages. I had seen friends do it, I had the dough recipe, easy peasy. Em no, the dough was fine, the first pizza went in the oven ok, and came out, and went in, and came out, it may have been crispy around the outside but it was raw in the middle despite following instructions to the letter.
The second pizza was rolled and loaded with topping… and stuck completely to the table. Instead of making it up on the pizza stone I did it directly on the table rendering it impossible to remove and ending up with a tomatoey, cheesy dough ball which was fit only for the bin. During this process children were banished in screaming banshee style from the kitchen, cheese, sauce and topping crashed to the floor as I threw the dough in disgust at the table and Mr B cowered in the living room, only piping up to timidly suggest he pour me a glass of wine.
The third and final attempt was ok, still a little crispy on the outside and soggy in the middle but edible, even if we had to resort to crisps afterwards to fill us up. Now I got a decent picture of pizza number 3 and it looks pretty tasty, I could have put it on here or on facebook and boasted about my prowess in the kitchen but I decided to come clean. But hey the picture looks good.
So there it is, the truth is out there, the title of Mum of the Year is safe for another year. So when you see my next Facebook baking or creative success story, just remember the camera sometimes lies!